Project Runway Finale Recap: We Have a Winner! And a Problem

Are you prepared for the most epic Project Runway recap of all time? I might not be, but I’m delivering it anyway. Without further ado, let’s climb inside our favorite polka dot print and settle in for three darling Lincoln Center collections, the judges’ remarks, and a final decision that will leave you breathless in a sexual-humiliation sort of way.




Happy finale! To celebrate, let’s begin with some of Gretchen’s nonsense: After Tim announces that “some old friends” will greet the three remaining designers at Parsons, Gretchen coos, “I have no idea what to think!” How crazy, Gretchen, because I know exactly what to think: Tim’s reacquainting you with the old designers. You have to hang out with them, I bet. Or work with them. No, wait! It’s probably the reunited cast of Evening Shade. Never mind. You’re right, the possibilities are endless.



Dammit, I was right the first time: Mondo, Gretchen, and Andy arrive at Parsons to find all the eliminated designers assembled in Crate & Barrel chaises and sitting across from Heidi and Tim. Wowwie. Let’s look around: There’s surly-cool April! Here’s crazed church-mouse Ivy! And there’s traumatized fourth-place murmurer Michael Costello. And the others, who may as well be muted holograms.



Tim cues up footage of Andy, Gretchen, and Mondo’s best and worst work of the season. Inspiring and hilarious, respectively. Afterward, Heidi has a subtle question for Gretchen. “Gretchen, is it true that you are a bitch in real life?” she ponders. “I would like to know. Because you have bitch posture.”



Gretchen squeamishly responds, “The funny answer is, ‘I’m not a bitch, I just play one on TV.’” She then adds, “And I also think ‘strong women’ tend to be called ‘bitches,’ which is unfair.”



Oh. Let’s clear up the confusion: Gretchen, you are not a “bitch.” You’re an a**hole. Don’t let anyone mix you up again.



Shockingly, cutey Valerie is given a chance to speak. “I think we made ourselves really vulnerable this season,” she says, explaining the “success” of season eight. Close: You made yourself susceptible to an editing process that made everyone seem adversarial and angry. That’s the Bunim-Murray gold standard. Plus, the cast was full of diagnosable hellcats. But I think that’s what you meant by “vulnerability,” Valerie. Holler.



The rousing reunion concludes and Tim orders the three remaining competitors to reenter the workroom and make him an un-hideous collection. “Don’t send down some Carol Hannah nonsense, you guys,” he (mentally) said. “This isn’t for laughs anymore, kids. Don’t embarrass me.”



And for the most part, they don’t.